I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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