We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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