i just google imaged poop.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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