How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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