coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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