I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
