This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
