What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
