billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
