i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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