I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
