walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
