If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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