I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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