I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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