Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
