She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
