the condom got lost in my hair
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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