Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
