Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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