I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
