U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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