just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Congratulations! We have a period
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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