Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
