it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
