I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
