Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
