just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
They have beer where we have blood.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
