you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
