just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
