there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
