The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
