Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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