Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
it glows. i had to have it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
