Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
