if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
