Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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