How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
