You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
