Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
