Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
be right there i have to get my cape
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
