Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize