When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
