Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
