a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
