I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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