she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
