I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
