I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
