May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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