Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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