Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
