I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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