When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
