I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
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I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
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gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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