Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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