New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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