The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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