I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
