I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
