Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
