I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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