thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
