I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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