At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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