you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
