what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
