so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
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she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
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You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
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