I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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