I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
